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Just who do they think they are going to get?

July 10th, 2006 at 07:53 pm

OK - Big warning here, this is *not* a finance entry, so you may want to skip this one.

















You've been warned.




OK, you're still here. Well, as the title says, I am a newly single guy. As I am not a bar person (ok, a sorta quiet professional - go figure), how is a man to meet women? Well I was looking online at the personals from the local paper (Its a large city paper). While I admit I was hopeful I kept my expectations in check as I read. And its a good thing I did.

What did I find? Well the women occassionally sound ok, but often not. I can accept that, I mean if you are expecting perfection, you are going to be lonely, right? But then they often state what they want in a man, and I just shake my head after reading it all. After I read the laundry list of traits they want I realize they want to meet a woman, not a man. A woman that looks like the Marlboro man. Are these women totally clueless? I asked this of a few women I do think highly of, and they agree that what they are expecting to find is crazy.

I wouldn't want to go out with these women - I would want to run the other way ... fast. Ugh, I should be ok and find someone for me, but when you read that ... I can't think of a good word for it.... it sure can get you discouraged.

OK, back to the regularly scheduled finances. Wink

16 Responses to “Just who do they think they are going to get?”

  1. miclason Says:

    Hey, Single....I was once told (by my ex-husband, no less) that what I wanted was a total idiot...
    I disagree!...I just want someone whose eyes light up when he sees me at the end of the day and, when he hugs me, for a fraction of a second, I want him to forget about all his worries...

    But, hey, I know what you mean about unrealistic expectations...and about bars...I have friends that go to bars to try to meet guys, and then complain because they are irresponsible party animals...(huh?? You find a guy at a BAR, of course you'll find someone that likes to party!)...

    My complaint is actually that guys here in ES want either a mother or a free maid! Frown ...BUT, she has to be in her 20's! (it doesn't matter that THEY themselves are in their 50's or even 60's!) ...I know that sounds so bitter, but, sadly, it's true!

  2. Flexo Says:

    Volunteer in your "spare time" (yeah, I know...) for an organization that interests you. It's a great way to meet like-minded, smart and talented people. For example: I've met some very attractive young women while volunteering for the N*w Y*rk Ph*lharm*nic (don't want that to appear in google searches) summer concerts over the years, but alas, I have a girlfriend. :-)

  3. Broken Arrow Says:

    I'm a newly single guy too, and in a way, I share your frustrations.

    I'm personally not too eager to get back into the scene though.

    However, I agree with Flexo to just participate in social activities that interest you. Along the way, you might meet someone, but if not, it's not a total loss as you're still doing something you like.

  4. princessperky Says:

    I'll ditto that, the only way I found my husband was giving up looking..then I made sure he knew I was NOT looking for along term commitment...
    of course 7 years 3 kids and a wedding later, I think we are in for the long haul..

    oh and he is perfect Smile
    So go do what you like, work on being the best you you can be (whatever that means for you) and ignore the desperate gals..one perfect gal will fall in your lap one day when you least expect it. and in the meantime you will be having fun Smile.

  5. Single Guy Says:

    In passing I may have mentioned I do belong to a "social club", but one unlikely to have women joining. It is a group of guys that set up large train displays. I do get to see lots of kids at plenty of these, especially around the holidays.

    I think the point that I should enjoy myself for now, and someone will come along is probably the most reasonable idea. Until then I will work on my finances so when she does show up I won't fret about my finances!

  6. ima saver Says:

    Too bad you don't live here. My husband built a house for a guy that owns the 2nd largest model train set up in the state of Georgia!! My own husband was a blind date and it was love at first site. We were married a few months after we met and it has been almost 30 years! My eyes still light up when I see him.

  7. debtfreeme Says:

    Ima, that is so sweet!

    I look for that too.

  8. Susan Says:

    Finances and money are so much easier to pin down and discuss than love. Too many options, distractions and attractions...so much so, that we are all like little kids in the candy store and are not sure what we want. All of that renders most of us completely dismayed and unable to "stay" in love and make it work, myself included. Don't have any answers but I'm envious of people still in love after 40 years.

  9. LuckyRobin Says:

    Wherever you go, find the prettiest woman in the room. Find her? Okay, now look to the left. No not that way, the other left. She's there, sitting with her friend. A little bit chubby, a little bit quiet, dresses attractively and for her figure not for fashion, not the prettiest girl, but a long way from ugly, listening to the running monologue of the beauty. Once in awhile her friend will say something and she will laugh, and her eyes will sparkle and her smile will light up the room. That's her. That's the one you look for.

    The one who will be surprised (but not overly so) when you come over and talk to her instead of her friend, but give you a smile and a nod of encouragement. The one who will be very good at listening, who will laugh when you are genuinely funny and raise an eyebrow when you are not. The one who doesn't expect you to change as long as you can do your own laundry and doesn't mind cooking if you don't mind cleaning up. The girl who will mow the lawn if you vacuum the rug and sweep the kitchen.

    The woman who has stopped looking and then when she least expects it, in walks you. Find her. She's the one.

  10. jodi_m Says:

    Lucky Robin, I love that post! So many people (men and women both) look for the glitz, the instant spark, the drop-dead gorgeous beauty...but I have found (luckily) that the quiet guy, the "nice" one who is every girl's friend but "just a friend", who remembers the little details and opens the car door, he's the one I want. Luckily, he was persistent enough to make me see it after I told him I only thought of him as a friend! He came after me with a vengeance and I am SO glad he did Smile Like Robin said, don't overlook what might be under your nose too - she might be sitting quietly somewhere being a good friend. Keep looking! Sounds like you have a very good attitude about the search Smile

  11. LuckyRobin Says:

    Jodi--

    My husband was the "everyone's friend, nobody's boyfriend" for most of his teen years and I was the quiet girl in the shadow of my gorgeous friend, who had quit looking. Well, come September we will be celebrating the 16th anniversary of our 1st date and we've been married 10 years. It's always the quiet ones you have to watch out for, but in a good way.

  12. flash Says:

    My husband and I got together only by divine intervention. Silly, because we were both in university, studying for chem exams, and he told me later he looked up and saw me sitting there, studying in my white dress, hair flowing, and he was totally smitten. And, he assumed he would never be able to "get" someone like me (hah, who would want to own me??).

    A friend and fate threw us together...I was working in the lab when the machine malfunctioned, and a close friend asked DH to take me outside for a walk to get some air and clear my lungs. Close friend said he knew we were meant for each other.

    7 days later we were engaged. DH may have been a geek, pocket protector and all, but he was and is my heart and soul. 24 years...and they said we'd never make it.

    Hang in there, you never know.

  13. boomeyers Says:

    Wow Flash, engaged after 7 DAYS! Wow!
    DH and I are going on 17 years and let me tell you, it has its ups and downs, but when you hit the downs, you pull up the boot straps and go up again!
    How did I know he was the one? I could look at him and not see getting married or having a family, but being together old and gray, farting around in a RV and kissing grandbabies! Its a beautiful picture.... if we don't kill each other before then.....

  14. kittentoast Says:

    Couldn't resist replying...and I'm a woman. I feel you on this though. The difference between our fantasies and the considerably dimmer reality of everyday life kicks the stuffing out of most of us over a lifetime. Mature adults will adjust. But for some reaon when a certain kind of woman is asked to describe the kind of guy she wants for the purposes of a personal ad, she instantly reverts to I'm-a-little-princess-and-I-deserve-every-last-thing-I-want mode.

    I don't blame you for getting sick of that crap. To be fair to them, many women are never consulted on their opinions or desires ever, so they make up for it in fantasy. What they're really saying is, wouldn't it be nice to meet somebody with this impossible combination of extremely picky and specific qualities. Nobody in their right mind thinks they're going to find exactly what they want, in men or anything else, in this lifetime.

    I believe you that a lot of these broads are narcissistic to beat the band. But random interactions with guys they meet every day aren't working for them. So they think they can conjure what they want out of thin air. What they should really do is write a romance novel. Reality is a different animal.

    That said, don't give up. I didn't meet my dear hubby until I was 38. And I know it's scant comfort, but those who've said it'll happen when you're not looking--they're right ;-)

  15. fern Says:

    Wow, what thought-provoking and moving posts here!

    Well, i think i can top you ALL as a never-married, heterosexual 46-year old woman. Ha! I only have the nerve to announce that here as i am in a committed relationship that actually looks to be lasting, tho we're not without our share of not insignificant problems.

    I envy those who got engaged after 7 days or a few months. You are the lucky ones! The rest of us dysfunctional rejects have to work at it. Smile
    Don't give up and be receptive at all times! But don't wait for it "to happen," either. I firmly believe that if you want something, as with all things in life, don't wait for it to fall in your lap...go for it, pursue it, join the groups that atttract eligible women, a bicycling group would be good, or Corporate Volunteers of America, the library book club maybe....

  16. rosenamemy Says:

    Hi Single. I like your post. Just you wait. You'll find your true one eventually. I met my husband at a seminar when I was 23 and he 29 and after a long parental objection (my parents, not his...), got married when I was 37. Can you beat that? Got my DD when I was 39 and recently adopted a beautiful DS. My point is, who you end up with in this life is fated. Sometimes I wonder why we are still together. We are worlds apart. He is neat, very methodical and likes everything orderly. Me? I'm exactly the opposite. But still, we are together after 30 years!

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